Jessica’s friend network highlights the Importance of friends when you are facing life challenges. Sometimes friends become family by choice not by blood.  I never expected three special women to include our daughter, Jessica, in their friend network. But there I go again thinking it’s all about me – I suddenly realized that this not only my circle, it is Jessica’s Friend Network.

Jessica

My husband Mitch and I married in 1979, and our first child, Jessica, was born in 1982. Mitch and I could not predict that our life would never be the same once our eldest daughter was born with a rare chromosome deletion (1Q 43-44).

At eight months a pediatric neurologist confirmed that Jess was delayed in every milestone. Jessica received her formal chromosome diagnosis much later in life.

Jess cannot walk or speak with words; she needs assistance with all daily life skills. However, our daughter is not an inventory list of her needs. Rather, she is sum of all her talents. Jess is musical, enthusiastic, charming, and loving. Without a spoken word, she brings you into her friendship circle.  Smiles, facial expressions, hugs, and screams of glee let you know that Jessica is happy to see you!

Jessica moved into a group home when she was 25; the home is two miles from our house.  (For more information on the hard decision of moving to a group home, please visit vickierubin.com

Ya Gotta Have Friends (Now you will be singing all day!)

Jessica’s friend network is not just unique, it’s rare. The intensity of their feelings for Jess is something I never expected, and it’s a testament to the depth of their commitment.

Thank You?

I always express my gratitude when Jess’s friends visit. Their response, however, continues to humble me. They’re not doing this for me; they’re doing it because they’re friends with Jess and her housemates. As I said before “It’s not about me!”

When your child has significant needs, it is sometimes hard to view them independently. I often think of Jessica as an extension of myself. But I am wrong. Even though Jessica has so many limitations, she also possesses numerous gifts. She lets people know they are cherished and appreciated. We could all use that gift; the world would be less hostile.

So, I need to let go of the notion that Jessica is a child and see her as a charming adult, living as independently as possible.

Adversity Opens Doors

I am unsure how it happened that Jess and I were blessed with special friendships. Adversity in one’s life also opens doors to seeing the capacity of others to care. I know Jessica’s superpower is creating friend networks. Her reaction to people she loves is off the excitement meter charts. Without speaking a word, Jess will tell you very clearly that she is happy to see you.

As Jessica’s mother, knowing that others adore our daughter and see the love Jess gives back is monumental.

Our Friend Network

Mitch and I share a group of cherished friends; each respects and accepts Jessica. However, there is a unique Friend Network that embraces Jessica independently of us; as I said before, it’s not about me or us. Jessica’s friends embrace Jessica as their chosen family member and friend, and we are forever blessed and grateful for their bond.