I used to be embarrassed about my purse buying.  Kind of like going to a support group and saying “Hi, my name is Vickie…and I just bought another designer purse.” Recently, my passion for shopping has taken a new direction.

My husband Mitch and I have been isolating in a rural county of New York State for two weeks.  Mitch’s daily  “need to know” and my source of increased anxiety is the constant playing of the news.

Our schedule is to wake up to Morning Cable News (I’m not getting political so will keep which program we watch in the vault!).  That should last about one hour but it tends to go longer and longer. At 11A.M  our Governor speaks and once again we are engaged in  the news.

We have several hours of free time to eat, snack, nap and walk before we listen to the daily press conference at 5 P.M. I typically insist on some evening movies, some trashy reality shows or the like so the late- night news shows are taped and replayed right before bed.

Another confession, I have anxiety ,maybe a bit more than the average bear, or so I’m told by almost “EVERONE!”. It’s hard for all of us to put this in context but when your baseline is overreaction, it’s really hard to put things in perspective. I’m not sure if anyone can put our country’s current situation in perspective, but Mitch and I spoke yesterday about the difference between his and my reactions to the daily influx of news.

He is concerned, not for himself but more for the first responders, doctors, nurses, assistants and other staff who are going to work every day to save lives. I am a retired manager of small department of Oishei Children’s Hospital of Buffalo,  Kaleida Health. I was not a medical professional, but I worked weekly with dedicated physicians and nurses and I fear for them and their global colleagues.

While Mitch is concerned, I feel panic  and a loss of control. Who doesn’t need control in their personal universe? We all do.  I know I like to control my life and don’t ask my kids if I try to control anybody else’s life too. But this current situation feels so out of control, not only for me, but for the entire planet.

So, I bought a Pulse-Ox ( Pulse Oximeter) finger thingy from Amazon. It’s supposed to measure the oxygen level in your blood.  Basically, answering the question, “are you getting enough oxygen for your body and brain?”

I know that if and when I get a symptom, any symptom,  I will immediately hyperventilate and not be able to breathe.  My first thought will be that I have Covid-19.  This is not good reaction.  Perhaps putting the Pulse-Ox on to test if I am actually breathing will help calm me or perhaps help me decide, “Holy Shit!” I better Get to the ER!

Have you bought anything to help you feel more in control? Maybe we can make our own support group.  I will start: “Hello, my name is Vickie  and I just bought a Pulse-Ox….,”

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